there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
