i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
