If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
