Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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