im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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