you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
She even gives head with a lisp.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
