FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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