We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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