just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
It's never too late to be topless.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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