Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
