I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
