the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
