am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
