i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
