Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
