She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
