Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
