I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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