you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
false alarm, still single
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