She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
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