I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
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Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
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You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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