I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
