they said they heard you say put it in my butt
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
