he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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