If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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