So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
