Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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