help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
