sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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