i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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