I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Are my feet made of real feet?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
