forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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