Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
