Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
you traded sex for a burrito?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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