Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
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