There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
