remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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