I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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