this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
