I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
4 words: hood of his car
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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