I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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