You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
