Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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