Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
