i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
