I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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