I want to walk on stilts...naked
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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