Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
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He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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