He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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