She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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