I accidentally had phone sex last night
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
