id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
