we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
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My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
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We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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