You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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