how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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