Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
