I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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