I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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