we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
