Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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