I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
