OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
