Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
