what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
