Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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