Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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