before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
